Not To Worry, It Won’t Cost Anything!

 

The other day I surprised, or rather shocked, my wife by announcing that I just purchased a $100,000 Maserati Ghibli, loaded with so many extras that its dashboard could easily be confused with one aboard an F-22 Raptor fighter jet.

I calmly explained to her that its top speed approaches 180 miles per hour and can accelerate from zero to sixty in under 5 seconds. Terrific amenities if you are late for an appointment or need to be somewhere like yesterday.

“But how can we afford it?” she yelled at no minor decibel level.

Again, I explained that its already paid for, so it did not cost us anything.

“What? I don’t understand.”

I explained that I employed the same accounting principle that the President has applied to the cost of the hotly debated multi-trillion-dollar “Build Back Better” infrastructure plan. He assured a skeptical nation that it will be paid for by taxing the ultra-rich, so it will not cost anything. It’s paid for.

“I still don’t get it.”

Truthfully, neither do I.

As you may have guessed, I did not purchase a Maserati as our two Volkswagens service us just fine. Had I done so, I would have had to requisition a guest blogger for this space as I would have been busy recuperating at a local hospital, my limbs shattered by a well-aimed griddle pan.

But perhaps naively, I did think and hope we were finally rid of Enron-like accounting.

“We Buy Houses.” Sorry, Not Mine!

 

A few blogs ago I chronicled the meteoric demand for homes in our area with prospective buyers elbowing each other to bid on houses with offers sometimes exceeding $50k to $100K over the asking price including hordes of cash up front.

As an example, the home directly across the street was on the market exactly three days before it sold. During that brief span I witnessed some 50-60 hopeful homeowners getting the grand tour from various real estate agents. Although only 1,700 or so square feet, the home sold for over $700K. Yes, you read that correctly.

A week does not pass by when I don’t discover at least 3 business cards in my mailbox from realtors urging me to contact them when I’m ready to sell. Several of the more aggressive ones even took it a step further by calling me directly. As if I don’t already receive more than enough spam calls from expiring auto warranties and replacement window offerings.

But with my oldest daughter’s wedding less than a week away, the Mrs. made it clear we’re not going anywhere for the near future. End of story.

We Can Eat Out but Not Go to The Office?

 

At Chez Carlino, Friday dinner is takeout.

Since our humble hamlet is host to an impressive roster of 18 restaurants we have a wide selection of international cuisines – from Indian and Tex Mex to Greek and Korean. But on this past Friday the Mrs. and I decided to opt for dine-in.

On this night, our town’s version of “restaurant row” was frenetic. Nearly every establishment was sardined with hungry customers and waiting lines in some venues snaked into the parking lots. As a resident I was happy for the owners who, through no fault of their own have suffered greatly over the past 20 months or so.

But I sort of marveled at the hypocrisy of those dining at a restaurant often seated just feet away from other guests but remain hesitant to venture back to their respective offices. Most eateries have relaxed the former rules of COVID protocol – i.e., no masks, scant spacing between tables etc. By contrast many offices and companies have enacted far more stringent rules such as siting desks at least six feet apart, shutting off the water coolers and prohibiting the traditional morning gatherings by the coffee machine.

And yet many of those same restaurant regulars steadfastly refuse a return to the office despite those myriad precautions. Perhaps many of them have gotten used to donning jeans and T-shirts instead of button-down shirts and sport jackets and did not miss riding in crowded subways and commuter trains. But whatever the reason, I refuse to believe it’s all because of perceived health risks.