My father is fond of telling anyone who will listen that
his eldest son (yes, that would be me) graduated college in just three terms –
Nixon’s, Ford’s and Carter’s. Or, that if translated into Latin, my diploma
could be interpreted as Summa Cum Lousy.
Ba Dum Bum.
My underwhelming academic pedigree aside, I felt that
after 12 years of covering the accounting profession including a sizeable
portion from a technology standpoint, that I was reasonably well equipped and
knowledgeable enough to surprise my long-suffering spouse with what I
considered the perfect Mother’s Day gift – a new Smartphone. Her current one
resembled one of the communicators from the original Star Trek series and
somehow it regularly found more dead zones than a Stephen King novel.
After all, mobility and the ability to work remotely is
one of the fastest-growing tech trends in the profession – as well as the rest
of the global workforce ‑ as some 40 percent of CPAs now spend at least 5 or
more hours outside the office each week – either telecommuting or on client
visits. And roughly 70 percent use a smartphone or tablet for business. Personally
I feel those figures are a bit modest, but I felt after 25 years of marriage to
yours truly, a feat that has propelled her up for sainthood in five churches, my
wife should be able to join that burgeoning workforce demographic.
So armed with a plan I marched into offices of one of the
major wireless carriers and explained why, what and how I wanted to proceed and
emphasized that I didn’t want my visit to resemble an infomercial with offers
and extras that continue endlessly like trying to find the value of Pi.
Right away I was peppered with questions: Did I want 4G
or push the envelope? How about 8, 16, 32 or 64 gigs? Hard cover or soft? Did I
need a car charger? Was my current data plan unlimited? If not did I want to
change it? Did I want an analysis of my monthly statement and see where I could
save money?
After 10 minutes of this pitch the only things he didn’t
offer me were a sham-wow or pocket fisherman.
I finally settled on a model that had received positive
reviews, a data plan that was agreeable with my budget and enough juice to
download anything she may need for work or recreation.
But I learned a valuable lesson.
Next time I’m eligible for a smartphone upgrade I’m
bringing someone far smarter in these matters than I – my 17-year old daughter.
Oxy-Clean anyone?
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