All I Really Need To Know I Learned at Home Depot

Like many of you, I have sat through more sessions on honing workplace efficiency and operations than should be allowed by the rules of the Geneva Convention. I now consider myself a quasi-expert on how to promote a “we are the world” atmosphere within the office, whether it be a CPA firm or an ad agency.

But like Robert Fulghum’s timeless guide to global leadership: “All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten,” if you really want to learn to foster harmony in a working relationship, try to successfully execute a home improvement project with your spouse.

Case in point.  

This weekend, the bride and I attempted to hang designer micro shades in the downstairs bathroom.  Right off the bat, one of Fulghum’s axioms was put to the test:  Share everything.

Thus the pre-project conversation went something like this:

Wife: “I need you to go downstairs in the garage and get the level, the drill, the measuring tape and the extension cords.”

Me: “What are you getting?”

Wife: “The pencil to mark the drill holes. Then after you drill the holes, you’ll need to insert the wall anchors and then screw the brackets in.”

Me: “What will you be doing during all of this?”

Wife:” I’ll be holding the level to make sure the brackets are straight.”

Me: “Oh.”

Four reasonably accurate drill holes later the brackets went in without too much trouble.

Wife: “Do you think we should have put them higher, they look a little low.”

Me: “No, they look fine to me.”

Wife: “Wait, does the color match?”

Another Fulghum’s axiom was then put to a severe test: “Don’t hit people.”

Me: “No, I think the beige sets off the room tone just right.”

Wife: “I guess so. Okay, get the broom and sweep up the dust."

Didn’t Fulghum say something about sharing everything?

Never mind.

I considered it a moral victory that by the end of the day we were still civil.

And when it was done, I exercised one of my favorite Fulghum dictates: Take a nap every afternoon.