You Want Internet With That?

The other day I was folding a mountain of overdue laundry and of course, the phone rang.

Caller ID identified it as one of the big cable TV and Internet providers in the tri-state area – but not the one I currently use.

Normally I let all sales or charitable donations calls go to voice mail and when the inbox gets too crammed, I host a deleting party. But for some reason my curiosity was piqued so I thought I would have some fun – at their expense of course, not mine.

But I’m always interested to hear their individual sales pitches – most of which I expect are scripted.

The sales rep for said cable concern was a pleasant young man – or at least he sounded young - and the purpose of the call was of course to get me to switch from my current subscription to their service – which he tried to let me know, was superior in both quality and price to what I was receiving now...

So the conversation went something like this between Jerry, the sales rep, and yours truly.

Jerry: We can offer you premium channels, the NHL and NFL networks plus Internet and home phone.

Me: I already get all of that as well as wireless service.

Jerry: Okay, well sorry to bother you and have a good day.

Me: Wait. Jerry, what kind of sales pitch is that? C’mon, sell me on your services. Convince me why I should go through the trouble of switching over.

Jerry: (Flustered). Well, okay, we have the highest customer satisfaction rate in this area and our rates are 20 percent below our competitors. Plus we have more local channels than the others.

Me: Jerry I don’t care about local channels, I want the premium movie channels, all major sports networks, Internet and phone service packaged neatly in one monthly bundle for less than I’m paying now. Can you do that?

Jerry: I’ll have to check.

Me: Wait, you don’t know? Jerry, to be frank, you don’t sound very prepared.

Jerry: Sorry, this is my first day.

Me: Just relax. Let me give you some advice from a former telemarketer. If you don’t sound knowledgeable on the phone, you’ll get exactly no one to respond. Take a moment to learn all the options before you make your next call and be prepared to answer some tough questions from potential customers. In no time you’ll feel far more confident.

Jerry: So, do you want to sign up?

Me: Sorry Jerry, I’m very happy with my current service. But look at it this way; people pay a lot of money at all day sales seminars to learn what I just taught you in about 30 seconds.

Jerry: But I can check with my boss.

Jerry might take a wee bit longer to catch on than I thought.