How to Keep Your Job: A Primer

Ah, Labor Day weekend! The traditional end to another glorious (hopefully) summer.

Elementary and secondary students prepare for another year (at least here in the Northeast)  a sure signal that your daily newspapers will approach the size of Al Gore’s waistline, stuffed with back-to-school circulars and specials- and the hope that you can squeeze out those last few outdoor grillings before the first frosts settle in.

And, as I’d mentioned in a previous post, this time of year often elicits a slew of job-related articles, especially for entry-level or young professionals, usually comprised of techniques and strategies to ease the transition from the classroom to the boardroom. Along those lines, last week I happened upon an article that detailed phrases that shouldn’t, in any circumstance, be uttered to your boss or direct report.

Let’s be honest, how many of these are you guilty of?

•  “I need a raise!” Asking for more money is certainly acceptable, but without evidence to support your request,the boss could feel like he’s being pickpocketed.
• “This is impossible.” Instead of telling them what can’t be done, flip the equation by outlining what can be done. And then add “if we bring in temporary help…
• “It’s not my fault.” This one is my personal favorite. I once had an employee that no matter how much he screwed up, it was always someone else’s responsibility. He was the type to blame a thunderstorm on an umbrella. It’s no wonder he’s now toiling at some barely-above-the radar online accounting site.
• “But we’ve always done it this way.” Another one on my hit parade. One of the first things I did as editor in my previous post was to warn anybody that if they once uttered those seven words, I would happily forward them the toll-free number of the New York State Department of Unemployment Benefits.
• “I don’t know.” Need I say more? An uninformed employee will undoubtedly be a short-tenured employee.
• “Wow! I got in so late last night!” Perfect, now your direct report knows that for you, today will likely be unproductive and calls into question your juggling skills between the professional and social aspects of your life.

And without too much difficulty, I’m confident you can think up a few more. And for those keeping score at home, I’m guilty of two of the above and will leave it at that. So here’s wishing all of you a happy end to the summer and a productive rest of 2013.

Now if I can just think up an excuse to tell the boss of Chez Carlino (my wife) why the London broil is overdone.