Conscious “Un-Linking”

I’m loathe to take a page from one of the more nauseating people residing on the planet – Gwyneth Paltrow – but there are times when I just want to “consciously un-link,” as in separation from all my current LinkedIn connections as well as all those unanswered invitations to connect.

In full disclosure, I’m not one of those people who receive 50-100 LinkedIn invites a week, but I do receive my fair share of hopefuls, 90 percent of them of which I summarily dismiss.

Wanna know why?

Read on.

No. 1: I don’t know you. That’s fairly self-explanatory, yet somehow it escapes so many. If I have to view your profile to determine who you are, that’s a bad sign. The chances are better than even money that our paths will never cross, so let’s not waste each other’s time. Unless you’re the CEO of General Electric or the President of ABC, I’m not interested in connecting with a stranger. And if the invite doesn’t include a picture, then the odds of me sending it to the electronic circular file just doubled.

No. 2: You have fewer than 100 connections. There’s probably a reason you’re not popular, so if others don’t want to hook up, then the chances are I don’t either. Whether it’s because you sport a pocket protector, don’t know Phil Jackson from Andrew Jackson, or wear white pants after Oct. 1, it doesn’t matter. Don’t ping me.

No. 3: A shopworn and unimaginative greeting: “Bill, I’d like to add you to my professional network.” Hmm, that must have taken all of 10 seconds. You want to grab my attention, then personalize it, don’t make it read like an e-blast sent out to 1,000 people selling a Ginsu knife or Sham-wow.  If you can’t make a minimal effort, then I won’t either.

No. 4: How you know me is an exercise in creative writing: If you were a college classmate or a former colleague, then trust me I would know you. I may not be good at many things, but a comprehensive recall of faces and names is at or near the top of my list.

No 5: “Congratulate (add name here) on his/her new job or skill.” Now we’ve all received this one at one time or another. Yes, I’m happy for you, even though I don’t know you or if I do, your reward will likely come via a larger paycheck, so don’t rub it in.

So if anyone’s is interested or even listening, those are my LinkedIn guidelines. Ignore them at your own risk.

And don’t even get me started on Facebook.