No, Sir, That Speeding Ticket is Not Deductible!

I have two annual rituals I exercise on Super Bowl Sunday.

The first is to turn down any party invitation to watch the big game. For one, I’m not a huge fan of wings or pigs in a blanket – the two menu staples everyone who has ever hosted a Super Bowl party throws at you like confetti.

Second, more often than not, the game rarely lives up to its fortnight of hype.

I offer last year’s 43-8 massacre as Exhibit A.

The other is to organize my tax documents and make an appointment with Rocco, my long-time accountant, and cross my fingers that we’ll collect something resembling a refund. Rocco has performed 1040 duties for me since 1990 and works to get me every deduction possible.

But it’s also the time of year where both the consumer and business press offer tips on what’s deductible versus what will surely elicit a notice from the IRS. While some claims skirt the legal limit, others are laugh out loud funny that would make even the most dour auditor chuckle.

To wit, here are some of the last year’s most outrageous deductions – or perhaps more correctly, attempted deductions.

1. While dependent children are certainly deductible, you actually have to wait for them to be born. One expectant mother actually tried to claim an unborn offspring. Am I the only one a bit creeped out by this?
2. A lead-footed motorist got creative and wanted to deduct the cost of a speeding ticket because he was visiting a client. Trust me, this happened to me last year and Rocco howled when I inquired about it.
3. A business meal or attending a conference are two common deductions, but one gentleman tried to write off the entire expense of his hunting trip because he and his partner “talked business” in between kill shots.
4. No one questions the importance of keeping up a neat and groomed appearance in the corporate world. But newsflash – rhinoplasty or breast augmentation surgery is sort of frowned upon by the IRS when they land in the deductions column.

And I’m sure many of you can add others you’ve heard about.

To my dismay my wife accepted an invitation to a Super Bowl Party and they actually asked her to make wings.

It’s going to be a long winter.