They’re nothing if not persistent

Of all the communications-related technology advancements over the past 20 years, the one I’m probably most grateful for is caller ID.

Like many of you, my home phone receives no less than five solicitation calls per day and just slightly less than that on weekends. Thankfully, the caller ID feature alerts me to each and every hopeful looking for a donation.

Then there are those who demand money via intimidation. I’m referring specifically to the threatening calls from people claiming to be with the IRS giving you final notice of a pending lawsuit for payment of back taxes.

Since the beginning of the week I’ve gotten five of these messages and thanks to caller ID, they’ve all originated from a wireless phone somewhere in Miami. The recorded voice identifies themselves as a member of the Internal Revenue Services (sic) and instructs you to call a different number – although one still in a Miami area code.

So much like last year when I went through a similar exercise, this was too good an opportunity to pass up.

And so I called.

The voice on the other end of the phone was obviously somewhere other than Miami. My guess was somewhere near Mumbai or Moscow, but far be it from me to profile.

I explained that I received a message about a lawsuit and I certainly want to clear the matter up.

So the conversation went something like this:

Voice: Okay we can help you. We can take a credit card for payment.

Me: Oh good, I have my American Express right here. But since when did the IRS become plural? I always thought it was the Internal Revenue Service.

Voice: Silence.

Me: By the way I covered the IRS for 12 years and thought their standard protocol was to send a letter. When did that change?

Voice: Silence.

Me: Okay, how much do I owe?

Voice: Um, $3,700.

Me: Wow, I didn’t realize I owed that much. I’ll have to speak to my accountant about this so it doesn’t happen again next year. Are you ready to take down my number?

Voice: Yes.

Me: Got a pen? Here it is… Expletive, Expletive, Expletive, Expletive, Expletive, Expletive, Expletive, Expletive, Expletive, Expletive, Expletive, Expletive, Expletive, Expletive, Expletive. That should be 15 digits. Got that?

Click.

Too bad, just when it was beginning to become fun.