Time to Say Goodbye

 

Last week in this space, I regaled you with sample vignettes of some of the lousy jobs I have held during my career. And conversely, there have been positions that have been nothing short of terrific with occasional fringe benefits exceeding anything I could have imagined.

Regardless of job satisfaction, I fielded an odd question during a recent CPE session from an attendee who stated that they were unhappy in their current capacity at a mid-sized CPA firm and wanted to leave but did not want to torch any of those proverbial “bridges.”

In full disclosure, our company specializes in succession – not recruiting. We have occasionally placed folks at accounting firms, but human resources is a niche we frequently outsource to those far more experienced in that arena.

But speaking from experience, I said that if nothing else, go to your direct report and tell them outright that you have accepted another opportunity. Thank them for the chance given you and then always follow that with a formal letter of resignation. It’s often an uncomfortable sit down, but it is something that must be done. I’ve been on both sides of that equation a number of times and the last thing you want to hear from an employee is an unexpected, “Hey have you got a minute?”

You’re Hired! Um, No Thanks!

 

As someone who has been a member of the U.S. labor force since the early 1970s, you may have surmised that I have had my share of, shall we politely say, lousy or unpopular jobs. Since this is a family blog, I could have described some of them in far more graphic terms and although tempting, I must decline.

My first post was as a movie usher (remember when we still had them?) at $1.85 an hour and all the popcorn you could sweep up after each showing. And when kid’s movies came to town that was a special treat, keeping throngs of unruly brats in line and warning them not to toss Jujyfruits at each other which they, not surprisingly, did with alarming frequency.

The next summer I applied for a job advertised under the banner of “lot maintenance supervisor.” It was an industrial park and my “supervisory” duties consisted of shoveling huge piles of sawdust from one location to another. That paid a skimpy $3 an hour. And say what you want about the weight of sawdust, by 4 or 5 o’clock it felt like I was shoveling barbells.

Not to be outdone, the very next year the Department of Labor assigned me to help transform a shuttered clothing outlet into a home improvement store. All was routine until the tractor trailers carrying the inventory arrived. I spent the next two weeks in 100-degree heat pushing a hand truck back and forth. On the plus side, I did however shed 10 pounds.

Bloomingdales Thanks You for Your Recent Purchases!

 

Sundays in the Fall are fairly routine for yours truly.

After two XL size cups of black coffee, I meet Paul, my tennis partner of 30 years at 9 a.m. for a competitive best of three set singles match and afterwards settle down for the remainder of the afternoon to watch football.

Paul and I often text each other on reactions and observations to whatever game is featured in the New York market so you can imagine my surprise when I received a message on Sunday not from him, but an alert from the fraud department at American Express wanting to confirm that I had just spent $4,000 at trendy Bloomingdales.

Talk about a wake-up text!

Apparently, someone obtained my credit card number and proceeded to help themselves to the Bloomingdales inventory like an all-you-can-eat buffet. I immediately called AmEx to confirm that the exorbitant purchases were not mine – lest I chance being kicked out of the house by my enraged spouse.

The customer service rep apologized and promised a new card within two days. Hopefully the matter is settled. Hopefully.

But I got to thinking.

With the holidays encroaching and the pandemic restrictions gradually lifting how big a criminal enterprise was retail fraud – particularly credit card and online fraud?

Plenty big.

Is Good Help Really that Hard to Find?

 

In ancient times religious contemplatives often debated arcane issues such as how many angels could potentially fit on the head of a pin or what is the sound of one hand clapping? Meanwhile philosophers of the time attempted to find solutions to a conundrum – a difficult and often unanswerable problem.

Centuries later, we often find ourselves struggling in similar situations. i.e., “I didn’t get the job because I have no experience. But how can I get experience if no one will hire me?”

With good help harder to find and retain than uncovering rare truffles, CPA firm owners hardly need a refresher course on the meaning and effects of a conundrum when it pertains to staffing.

The ongoing labor shortage of young talent in accounting has impacted smaller firm owners who do not have the recruiting resources (or pocketbooks for that matter) of a larger practice, as subtly as a 2X4 crashing through a casement window.

As an example, take the case of a frustrated firm owner in the Northeast with whom I was recently granted an audience.

Not To Worry, It Won’t Cost Anything!

 

The other day I surprised, or rather shocked, my wife by announcing that I just purchased a $100,000 Maserati Ghibli, loaded with so many extras that its dashboard could easily be confused with one aboard an F-22 Raptor fighter jet.

I calmly explained to her that its top speed approaches 180 miles per hour and can accelerate from zero to sixty in under 5 seconds. Terrific amenities if you are late for an appointment or need to be somewhere like yesterday.

“But how can we afford it?” she yelled at no minor decibel level.

Again, I explained that its already paid for, so it did not cost us anything.

“What? I don’t understand.”

I explained that I employed the same accounting principle that the President has applied to the cost of the hotly debated multi-trillion-dollar “Build Back Better” infrastructure plan. He assured a skeptical nation that it will be paid for by taxing the ultra-rich, so it will not cost anything. It’s paid for.

“I still don’t get it.”

Truthfully, neither do I.

As you may have guessed, I did not purchase a Maserati as our two Volkswagens service us just fine. Had I done so, I would have had to requisition a guest blogger for this space as I would have been busy recuperating at a local hospital, my limbs shattered by a well-aimed griddle pan.

But perhaps naively, I did think and hope we were finally rid of Enron-like accounting.

“We Buy Houses.” Sorry, Not Mine!

 

A few blogs ago I chronicled the meteoric demand for homes in our area with prospective buyers elbowing each other to bid on houses with offers sometimes exceeding $50k to $100K over the asking price including hordes of cash up front.

As an example, the home directly across the street was on the market exactly three days before it sold. During that brief span I witnessed some 50-60 hopeful homeowners getting the grand tour from various real estate agents. Although only 1,700 or so square feet, the home sold for over $700K. Yes, you read that correctly.

A week does not pass by when I don’t discover at least 3 business cards in my mailbox from realtors urging me to contact them when I’m ready to sell. Several of the more aggressive ones even took it a step further by calling me directly. As if I don’t already receive more than enough spam calls from expiring auto warranties and replacement window offerings.

But with my oldest daughter’s wedding less than a week away, the Mrs. made it clear we’re not going anywhere for the near future. End of story.

We Can Eat Out but Not Go to The Office?

 

At Chez Carlino, Friday dinner is takeout.

Since our humble hamlet is host to an impressive roster of 18 restaurants we have a wide selection of international cuisines – from Indian and Tex Mex to Greek and Korean. But on this past Friday the Mrs. and I decided to opt for dine-in.

On this night, our town’s version of “restaurant row” was frenetic. Nearly every establishment was sardined with hungry customers and waiting lines in some venues snaked into the parking lots. As a resident I was happy for the owners who, through no fault of their own have suffered greatly over the past 20 months or so.

But I sort of marveled at the hypocrisy of those dining at a restaurant often seated just feet away from other guests but remain hesitant to venture back to their respective offices. Most eateries have relaxed the former rules of COVID protocol – i.e., no masks, scant spacing between tables etc. By contrast many offices and companies have enacted far more stringent rules such as siting desks at least six feet apart, shutting off the water coolers and prohibiting the traditional morning gatherings by the coffee machine.

And yet many of those same restaurant regulars steadfastly refuse a return to the office despite those myriad precautions. Perhaps many of them have gotten used to donning jeans and T-shirts instead of button-down shirts and sport jackets and did not miss riding in crowded subways and commuter trains. But whatever the reason, I refuse to believe it’s all because of perceived health risks.