Tall Tales of Tardiness

Growing up, punctuality trailed only cleanliness and godliness in terms of character traits in our household.

My parents, particularly my father, lived by the credo that if you had an appointment at 10 a.m. and arrived at 9:45, you were considered late.

Even to this day, tardiness by anyone causes what’s left of my hair to remain on edge. My impatience and more often than not, anger, over lateness (sans a valid and documented excuse of course) comes in second only to yakking on a cell phone while pretending to work out at the gym.

But that’s fodder for another column.

I have never understood the mindset of those chronologically challenged, but earlier this week I happened upon a survey from CareerBuilder, which polled some 5,000 private sector workers and hiring managers to gauge what was acceptable in terms of coming in late to work.

Not surprisingly traffic, weather and problems with public transportation were at or near the top of the list of reasons employees failed to show up on time. And we’ve all been there at one time or another. After nearly a quarter-century of commuting, I’ve certainly had my share of stalled trains and glacial paced traffic.

But what happens if someone is a repeat offender?

Turns out, 35 percent of employers in the study have terminated an employee for chronic tardiness. As a manager I came close on two occasions, but both times the people in question did me a favor by resigning for other posts.

I found out afterwards that one lasted barely a month in his new job before being let go for …repeated lateness.

You could imagine my surprise.

And just to give the survey a lighthearted sidebar, it also included some of the most bizarre excuses for being late to work. 

Stop me if you’ve heard any of these before:

• An employee fell asleep in his car when he arrived at work
• One worker was so engrossed in a TV program he had to watch it until the end
• One absent-minded employee had forgotten that the company had relocated
• A hole in the roof caused rain to short-circuit the alarm clock.
• One worker was so traumatized by a nightmare they needed extra time in the morning to get ready
• And perhaps my favorite, one dolt actually thought Halloween was a work holiday (for sheer stupidity they should have been fired).

Trust me I can’t make this stuff up.

But then again, I’ve rarely been late so I’ve never had to.