A 21st Century Definition of Insanity

On Mother’s Day I was driving along Main Street in my town when I ran into an acquaintance from my health club, whom I hadn’t seen in several months. He too was climbing the proverbial walls regarding lack of exercise since our facility officially closed on March 17. After all, long walks and push-ups can only go so far.

But his COVID-19 malaise went far deeper than simply being deprived of performing squats and bench presses. His job until now was to secure available parcels of land and erect restaurants. As you might imagine, that hasn’t been a burgeoning industry of late. In fact, he’s admitted to me that he’s unsure if he will have any company at all once the quarantine is lifted. But he did say that neighboring Connecticut (where he is involved in a lot of projects as well) would be slowly opening back up beginning next week beginning with “essential businesses.”

Now what is and is not an “essential business” has been a subject of intense debate over the past two months and that alone can serve as fodder for a future column. But as I understand it, the Nutmeg State will allow hair salons and some restaurants to reopen with certain conditions. Remind me again what Einstein said about the definition of insanity.

As I understand it from my sister-in-law who gets her hair done in a Connecticut-based salon, patrons will be required to wear masks while getting a procedure. Now since my late 20’s, a haircut hasn’t been one of my bigger investments. But for those not follicly challenged, think about attempting to wear a mask while getting your hair cut, and the gymnastics the stylist would have to perform with an extremely sharp scissors to trim around the ears.

How about getting a coloring? For those women familiar with that procedure, you know the solution gets everywhere and that would almost certainly include on a mask.

But wait, it gets better.

When restaurants reopen, rumor has it that customers will also be required to don masks. So, picture having to slide it down every time you want to take a bite or a sip of your drink. How long do you think that mandate is going to last before frustration sets in and folks don’t bother putting it back in place?

My best guess is about the third or fourth sip or mouthful.

Closer to home, the powers that be in New York are expected to decide about a first stage reopening later this week.

On the bright side, I’m glad I’m not overdue for a styling. That could get ugly.