Whose Bright Idea Was This?

 I’m sure most of you can harken back to some of your past jobs and dredge up examples of management decisions that defied analysis. Like bad managers, I am confident there is no shortage of strategic moves that would befuddle a middle schooler.

As an example, I once worked for a restaurant chain that specialized in exotic crepes. Many of you along the East Coast and in San Francisco may have an idea what company I’m referring to. Most of the company’s units were in shopping malls and obviously were mandated to adhere to the opening and closing hours of said malls.

The exception being a certain New Jersey county, which prohibited malls from remaining open on Sundays. Now, with no shoppers allowed in the mall, it would stand to reason that the restaurant would be closed as well. Nope. The company ordered them to remain open and as customer counts resembled a haunted house, it inexplicably held steadfast its imbecilic decision.

I even wrote to the company headquarters questioning the futility of remaining open, only to be dressed down by my manager for having the temerity to contact corporate.

Not long afterwards the company shuttered many of its stores and the concept was passed from one buyer to another and today, just a few remain in select airports. 

Super Pricey Super Bowl

 

In full disclosure I have never attended a Super Bowl game.

Interestingly, I’ve secured tickets to the big game on several occasions for friends and relatives through a long-time connection on the NFL Committee, but I’ve always maintained there is a reason that they make 55-inch flat screen TVs and oversized E-Z chairs. That way you never have to deal with parking, or lengthy lines at the refreshment stands during TV timeouts and halftime or inevitable snaking lines of humanity at the restrooms.

In fact, my last in-person attendance at an NFL game was a Miami-Dolphins-New York Jets clash nearly 10 years ago, when in the first quarter alone, there were four pier six brawls in the stands along with numerous flying cups of beer. After going to nearly 60 games in my life beginning in 1970, it was at that moment I vowed to retire permanently to my living room.

This year’s matchup will match the dean of NFL quarterbacks – the incomparable 43-year-old Tom Brady against arguably the best of the younger generation of gunslingers – Patrick Mahomes.

You know what else will be eye-opening? The average price of a ticket to the event which is $5,100.

Let me repeat that, $5,100.

When it Absolutely, Positively Has to Get There Overnight?

 

For those of you old enough to remember the above ad slogan, it was the theme of what was then known as Federal Express, the overnight delivery service which we now refer to by the truncated moniker FedEx.

The company, which was founded in 1971 in Little Rock, Ark., celebrates its 50^th anniversary this year and no doubt the COVID-19 pandemic has wreaked havoc with its delivery schedule and employees as it has with other competing delivery concerns.

For a narrow block that contains exactly six houses, we residents get an inordinate amount of home deliveries whether it be UPS, DHL, Amazon, or FedEx. My neighbor receives at least two packages a day and over the past several years delivery trucks have become as much a part of the natural landscape as the rows of hickory and evergreen trees that line the street as well as the occasional deer.

And then suddenly it got personal.

Last week, an obviously undertrained FedEx driver attempted to squeeze a tight U-turn between my driveway and the one across the street and somehow wedged the vehicle between two retaining walls.

I was in the process of putting on my shoes to help direct him out of his malaise when he inexplicably put the vehicle in reverse and proceeded not only to roll over my flower bed but also shear my mailbox off its post – snapping it in two equal parts.

More Than a “Remote” Possibility

 

Years ago, I queried to no one in particular as to why time seems to accelerate with each passing year.

I recalled during my elementary school years on how the annual summer vacation seemed endless, while now July and August appear to pass like a 747 from New York to D.C.

Perhaps the most plausible explanation I received was that when you’re 10 for example, a year equals one-tenth of your life, while at 50, it is one fiftieth.

So, along those lines, I somehow still struggle with the belief that in two months, I will have been in my current position for nine years. NINE. And all that time working remotely.

As I’ve stated in this space many times, not reporting to an office for the first time in nearly a quarter century took some getting used to. I immediately missed the camaraderie of my colleagues, and often my only contact with the outside world would be comprised of phone calls and emails.

And now with the nation battling the coronavirus pandemic, remote workers not surprisingly have grown exponentially. In fact, according to the U.S. Census Bureau more than half of the labor force in major metropolitan areas such as San Francisco, Boston, Seattle, and Washington D.C., are working from home.

Tell Your Statistics to Shut Up!

In 1905, legendary football coach Amos Alonzo Stagg once proclaimed prior to taking the field before a game, that “statistics are for losers.” That durable axiom has since survived for more than a century and oft repeated since then.

Personally, I have never been a huge statistical groupie because people can often be blinded by impressive numbers.

For example, take the ad nauseum quarterback passer rating.

When it first debuted in 1973 it employed a complex formula ranging in scale from 0 to 158.3 to judge quarterbacks in four categories - completion percentage, yards per attempt, touchdowns per attempt and interceptions per attempt.

But that can be deceiving. For example, mediocre back-ups like Bubby Brister and Gus Frerotte each have higher QB passer ratings than Hall of Famers Joe Namath and Johnny Unitas.

Think about that for a second.

Now with the pro football draft roughly three plus months away, you will hear a lot of regurgitation and dizzying quantities of statistical analyses on potential first and second round picks.

But those who follow sports closely, I’m sure can run off a list of sure-fire superstar draft choices that turned out to be nothing short of dud grenades when they got to the professional level.

And I have witnessed on numerous occasions the same logic applied to college academic performance or professional standings and often with the same disappointing results.

Someone once confided in me, that sadly, some of the dumbest people he’d ever met in his life were doctors.

Don’t Get “Stuck” by This New Fraud Scam!

 

I honestly thought things would be different in 2021. A bit naïve perhaps, but nonetheless I remained optimistic that some issues would simply disappear faster than New York Jets’ coach Adam Gase after the season finale.

No such luck.

Take consumer fraud scams for instance.

Over the past several years, I have been contacted by charlatans claiming to be from, in order: The Internal Revenue Service, the Social Security Administration, a national credit card fraud clearinghouse and my banking institutions.

They have threatened me with jail if I didn’t pay what I owe in back taxes (the IRS calls), claimed my personal information has been compromised (the SSA and my local bank) or that someone has been using my charge cards for outlandish purchases.

Most of them urged me to simply re-enter my personal information or in the case of the phony IRS, just submit a credit card number and all my outstanding tax liens would be forgiven and thereby avoid a lengthy prison sentence.

But this week may have been the topper.