When it Absolutely, Positively Has to Get There Overnight?

 

For those of you old enough to remember the above ad slogan, it was the theme of what was then known as Federal Express, the overnight delivery service which we now refer to by the truncated moniker FedEx.

The company, which was founded in 1971 in Little Rock, Ark., celebrates its 50^th anniversary this year and no doubt the COVID-19 pandemic has wreaked havoc with its delivery schedule and employees as it has with other competing delivery concerns.

For a narrow block that contains exactly six houses, we residents get an inordinate amount of home deliveries whether it be UPS, DHL, Amazon, or FedEx. My neighbor receives at least two packages a day and over the past several years delivery trucks have become as much a part of the natural landscape as the rows of hickory and evergreen trees that line the street as well as the occasional deer.

And then suddenly it got personal.

Last week, an obviously undertrained FedEx driver attempted to squeeze a tight U-turn between my driveway and the one across the street and somehow wedged the vehicle between two retaining walls.

I was in the process of putting on my shoes to help direct him out of his malaise when he inexplicably put the vehicle in reverse and proceeded not only to roll over my flower bed but also shear my mailbox off its post – snapping it in two equal parts.

Now, a bit of background. This is the third time in seven years my mailbox has been hit and needed to be replaced. I ran out uttering every anathema known to man and a few that probably weren’t, demanding to know why he didn’t use his backup camera.

He looked at me sheepishly and said, “I guess I should have used it.”

Then the fun began.

I took down his information and proceeded to call the company’s headquarters which relocated years ago to Memphis. I connected with customer service who took down my information and assigned me a claims number. A day later I was contacted by the local FedEx relay station and assigned yet, another claims number and directed to a third-party outfit which handles all customer legal claims. Another call ensued and I was told I would be contacted shortly by an adjuster.

Instead, I was emailed a claim form that would make the application process for the FBI appear abbreviated. After undergoing that protracted process, I was sent yet another email asking for a video of the accident or at least photographic evidence. When that was done, I was told it would be at least a week before someone would contact me.

All this for a $300 claim.

Then the kicker. I was asked to participate in a brief survey about my experience.

Trust me you can’t make this up.