Say Scram to the Spam!

Last week marked a robocall milestone at Chez Carlino.

Over the course of a workday – this one beginning promptly at 8 a.m. and ending somewhere around 6 p.m., I received a total of 13 robocalls. Let me repeat that for emphasis: THIRTEEN! And sadly, they were equitably divided between my home and business lines.

Now I know as Election Day approaches most of you not surprisingly, have received calls from various political parties and candidates soliciting donations. And on this day, the Republican and Democratic National Committees accounted for six of those 13 calls.

The others were an eclectic mix of expiring car warranties, local business listing upgrades, one from a weight loss clinic in Philadelphia (which I took personal umbrage to) and the other from a chimney cleaning service.

Well that may be one I can use.

But there is hope for those who feel my pain. At least on the business side of things.

No Medals for Trying

 

                                                

A far wiser person than I, once proclaimed that “opportunity is not a lengthy visitor.”

To say that both me and my family missed on some financial opportunities over the years would be like saying that a few businesses lost money during COVID-19.

For example, in the early 1960s, my father had a chance to invest in a parking garage near Pennsylvania Station in New York. At the time, the terminal was crumbling and outdated but was rumored to be in for a complete makeover. Naturally being risk-averse he passed.

Not only did Penn Station undergo a top-to-bottom renovation, but city planners relocated a gleaming new Madison Square Garden on top of it. Prior to the pandemic, the Garden averaged over 300 events a year, so you do the math in terms of parking fees.

As a footnote he instead went partners on a venture that placed stamp machines in drug stores.

Need I say more?

Client Service or Client Disservice?

 

It was the best of times it was the worst of times.

With sincere apologies to Mr. Dickens, the following is not so much a tale of two cities, but rather a tale of two companies and how they each approached customer/client service.

Few would argue that 2020 has been about the worst of times. I won’t rehash the free-fall that the pandemic has wrought, as that would take far more space than I’m allotted twice weekly in this column, but suffice to say there isn’t one person who hasn’t been affected in some way, whether through their business, or via the remote learning mandate for their children forcing working parents to remain home.

To wit.

My fitness center, which incidentally refers to its members as “clients, “officially reopened on August 24, after having been closed since St. Patrick’s Day - albeit at 33 percent capacity. In a letter to members, err… clients, they offered the final week in August as a “test,” so members could determine whether they wanted to either restart or freeze their membership,

Far be it from me to refuse a free anything.

So you can imagine my surprise when I opened my credit card statement and saw that not only had they billed me for the month, but also charged me for the week that was supposed to be complimentary. So, I called their customer service department, and the conversation went something like this:

 

Me: “I’m calling to find out why you folks charged me for the week that was supposed to be free.”

Rep: “It was not free sir; it was a trial to see if you wanted to restart your membership.”

Me: “So, let me understand this, if I froze my membership then I would not have gotten charged?”

Rep: “That’s correct.”

Me: “But it was specifically represented as a trial period. In what universe is a trial period not free?”

Rep: (Silence, crickets, take your pick).

Me: “Hello?”

Rep: “I can let you speak to our regional manager if you like.”

Me: “No thanks. I will call my credit card company and have them dispute the charge.”

 

Now contrast that experience to one I had recently with my local supermarket.

It’s a rapidly expanding family owned business that I like to call the Nordstrom of grocery customer service. They go out of their way to help the customers to the point of ordering a requested item not in stock and delivering it to their house in person.

Last weekend we were having company and the Mrs. decided that short ribs would serve as the main offering. One problem, they were out of short ribs. I was about to settle for brisket when the owner himself overheard my plight, made one phone call to their central commissary, and told me that the order would be ready in less than an hour.

And not stopping there, he offered to have someone deliver it in the company van.

I thanked him but told him I would return to pick it up. Truth be told, the store is more expensive than the big box chain grocers in the area, but customer service vignettes like that are why I do not think twice about paying more for some things.

Examples like that are truly the best of times in sadly the worst of times.

That Dreaded C Word!

                                            

Legendary investor Warren Buffet once remarked that writing a check was the difference between making a commitment and participating in a conversation. Or, breaking it down in simpler terms, take a basic recipe of ham and eggs. One can surmise that the chicken participated, whereas the pig made a commitment.

The “C” word – commitment - has been hard to come by these days – particularly within the sphere of CPA firm M&A.

There’s always existed an intractable dichotomy in any deal – whether selling a CPA firm or a used car. The buyer wants to pay the least amount for the item in question while the seller firm wants to get as much as they possibly can.

Add to that the fact that accountants have historically, been about the least decisive demographic when it comes to making a personal business decision that I have ever encountered. They can easily dispense sage advice to clients, but when it comes to their own firms, they stammer and hem like a confused contestant on Final Jeopardy.

No matter the facts to the contrary on their lack of succession, many just cannot bring themselves to pull the trigger. And the COVID-19 pandemic has only served to exacerbate their indecision.

I realize that meeting a potential buyer/successor over a Zoom or Microsoft Teams call will probably not prompt most people to sell or merge without actually meeting said buyer in person.