You Expensed What?

 

Welcome back and best to everyone for a happy and healthy 2022. Here’s hoping your holidays were COVID-free.

But on to today’s missive.

My first introduction to completing an expense report came courtesy of the head of accounts payable at the publishing company that was kind enough to give me my first job.

Jean was a dour, moody individual who managed to intimidate everyone – from the office maintenance staff to the CEO of the company. She ruled the department with the subtlety of Vladimir Putin and if your expense account contained something that was not allowed it was returned in an interoffice envelope with DENIED underlined and in bold red letters.

Once she discovered an employee going through her desk searching for a paper clip and in less than 30 minutes, he was a former employee. A short while later, one of the women in the classified department attempted to write off a fur coat. I kid you not. It was also one of the few times I saw Jean laugh – perhaps it was because said employee was last seen being escorted out of the building by security.

But that was then, and this is now. With what has been termed “the great resignation” with scores of workers ditching their present posts for greener not to mention remote, pastures, a manufacturer of expense management software has compiled a list of unusual expenses that were approved over 2021 – items that I could not conceive of passing official muster even 10 years ago.

Season’s Bleatings: A Wish List for 2022

 

Like most people I hope that whatever happened in 2021 stays in 2021. If I get handed another facemask when entering a store or have someone tell me that I am standing too close to them, you may very well see that vignette re-enacted on an episode of “Cops.”

Nevertheless, as many of us prepare to croon an off-key version of “Auld Lange Syne” in a week or so, I have compiled my personalized wish list that if all is holy – or even if not – will come to fruition in the coming year – particularly as it relates to the CPA profession.

So, in the spirit of the season and knowing full well some of you might take a slight offense here goes:

1.     In the ensuing 12 months I do not want to hear another practitioner rationalize that their succession plan will work if they can just locate a young CPA who can take over the controls and steer the ship into the future. It is not going to happen. EVER. Fifty thousand firms around the country and most a lot bigger and with deeper pockets than yours have the same strategy. Want to take a chance? Play Powerball. Your odds are about as good and think of the payoff.

2.     I realize that many of you have worked hard to build up your practice but let’s wake up and face north when it comes to how much your firm is really worth and please don’t ask me to find a buyer willing to pay as high as 1.5. A figure like that has not been seen since NSYNC was at the top of the billboard charts or Member’s Only jackets were considered stylish.

3.    Far be it from me to prevent someone from working based on their date of birth but in the sometimes-harsh reality that is M&A absolutely no successor firm is going to allow someone well north of 65 to continue working full time for 5-10 years. Not gonna happen. So be realistic about your full-time working timeline. Ditto for an aging practitioner looking to merge in a firm with younger folks. Again, when many of you were in their early to mid-30s would you affiliate with someone 75? Didn’t think so.

4.    Working remotely is here to stay. Period. The traditional workflow has changed so change with it. Several practitioners I know declined to invest in the needed technology to accommodate off-premises staff and as a result they lost staff to more progressive firms. Gee who could have seen that coming.

 

But enough grousing for the moment. Here’s wishing everyone a happy and healthy holiday season and a great 2022. Keep telling yourself it has to get better.

The Winds of Change – Or Irrelevance!

 

During college I worked for a time at a Tex-Mex restaurant when in an effort to boost stagnant sales and customer counts, Joe, the manager gathered the entire staff one early Saturday morning and proceeded to draw the face of a clock on a piece of paper. The hands of the clock were squarely on 12. He held it up for a brief examination and then drew a third hand and positioned it five minutes past twelve.

“Most people think that change means having the clock hands go around until they again reach twelve,” he explained. “But even five minutes is change. We don’t have to reinvent ourselves completely, but we need to change – even if it’s slowly.”

In that most basic demonstration he managed to drive his point across and highlight the importance of change and more critically, adaption to change.

Of course, that was years before words and technologies like Internet, texting, email, and Smartphones became embedded in the American lexicon. But the strategic lesson remains the same about remaining relevant by adapting to change.

The landscape is sadly replete with examples of once-mighty stalwarts of business and industry who failed to change when it was necessary for survival. For example, Kodak once commanded a 90 percent global market share in film sales and film developing but failed to see the encroaching threat of digital photography, even though the company, incredibly, owned a patent on the technology but declined to take advantage of it. Reader’s Digest once boasted 16 million readers but missed the gargantuan opportunity with online publishing. Remember Blockbuster Video? The chain once had roughly 9,000 units but ignored the threat of encroaching competitors such as Netflix. Now exactly one unit remains in Oregon.

When it Comes to Service, There’s No Argument!

 

Years ago, the Miller Lite beer brand aired a long-running ad campaign which posed the endless argument about the product whether it was popular because of “Great Taste or Less Filling?” TV spots included a number of celebrities and professional athletes debating that question and one even highlighted a comical knock-down catfight between two supermodels who eventually wound-up tussling in a pool. 

Since I equate light beer in the same category as vegetarian cheese or non-fat anything, as a decidedly non-consumer it really didn’t matter to me why people bought it. But over the years I pondered answers to some equally difficult product questions particularly those pertaining to customer service.

To wit: If you were a customer in a restaurant, would you prefer great service or great food? Most people including myself would excuse mediocre cuisine in favor of good service. Somehow when service slows to a proverbial crawl or is non-existent, the food quality is shuffled to near irrelevance.

Case in point: I was once dining in a well-regarded and oft-written about Park Avenue establishment with a senior executive with a Southern-based restaurant chain. Throughout the meal we were basically ignored (okay to be fair Diana Ross was seated at the next table) and I actually had to go to the hostess stand to ask for the check. The next day I wrote a column about my experience for the 65K or so readers of my then publication and from what I understood, the no-nonsense owner handed out a slew of pink slips to the waitstaff and had the executive chef personally call me to apologize.

‘Tis the season to be jolly – and careful!

 

Last week I was on the receiving end of a personal record. And not one that I would brag to family and friends about.

To wit: 12 of the 15 calls I received over a two-day span were your basic spam – likely come-ons for auto warranty renewals or ads for replacement windows - and no less than seven emails were obviously textbook phishing expeditions. I sort of guessed when one email came my way via Banc of America, seeking to verify my login credentials. To top it off, the bank’s signature red and blue logo appeared as a blurry shade of black and white. Another one insisted that I had not collected on a $250 refund that was due (news to me!) and that they just required my Social Security number to verify that I was indeed the deserving party of this unexpected largesse.

That was about one step more sophisticated than those enticing multi-million-dollar “business opportunities” you receive courtesy of a generous entrepreneur from Nigeria.

But alas, with the joy and the family camaraderie the holiday season brings, it also brings an exponential increase in scams according to experts.

Time to Say Goodbye

 

Last week in this space, I regaled you with sample vignettes of some of the lousy jobs I have held during my career. And conversely, there have been positions that have been nothing short of terrific with occasional fringe benefits exceeding anything I could have imagined.

Regardless of job satisfaction, I fielded an odd question during a recent CPE session from an attendee who stated that they were unhappy in their current capacity at a mid-sized CPA firm and wanted to leave but did not want to torch any of those proverbial “bridges.”

In full disclosure, our company specializes in succession – not recruiting. We have occasionally placed folks at accounting firms, but human resources is a niche we frequently outsource to those far more experienced in that arena.

But speaking from experience, I said that if nothing else, go to your direct report and tell them outright that you have accepted another opportunity. Thank them for the chance given you and then always follow that with a formal letter of resignation. It’s often an uncomfortable sit down, but it is something that must be done. I’ve been on both sides of that equation a number of times and the last thing you want to hear from an employee is an unexpected, “Hey have you got a minute?”

You’re Hired! Um, No Thanks!

 

As someone who has been a member of the U.S. labor force since the early 1970s, you may have surmised that I have had my share of, shall we politely say, lousy or unpopular jobs. Since this is a family blog, I could have described some of them in far more graphic terms and although tempting, I must decline.

My first post was as a movie usher (remember when we still had them?) at $1.85 an hour and all the popcorn you could sweep up after each showing. And when kid’s movies came to town that was a special treat, keeping throngs of unruly brats in line and warning them not to toss Jujyfruits at each other which they, not surprisingly, did with alarming frequency.

The next summer I applied for a job advertised under the banner of “lot maintenance supervisor.” It was an industrial park and my “supervisory” duties consisted of shoveling huge piles of sawdust from one location to another. That paid a skimpy $3 an hour. And say what you want about the weight of sawdust, by 4 or 5 o’clock it felt like I was shoveling barbells.

Not to be outdone, the very next year the Department of Labor assigned me to help transform a shuttered clothing outlet into a home improvement store. All was routine until the tractor trailers carrying the inventory arrived. I spent the next two weeks in 100-degree heat pushing a hand truck back and forth. On the plus side, I did however shed 10 pounds.

Bloomingdales Thanks You for Your Recent Purchases!

 

Sundays in the Fall are fairly routine for yours truly.

After two XL size cups of black coffee, I meet Paul, my tennis partner of 30 years at 9 a.m. for a competitive best of three set singles match and afterwards settle down for the remainder of the afternoon to watch football.

Paul and I often text each other on reactions and observations to whatever game is featured in the New York market so you can imagine my surprise when I received a message on Sunday not from him, but an alert from the fraud department at American Express wanting to confirm that I had just spent $4,000 at trendy Bloomingdales.

Talk about a wake-up text!

Apparently, someone obtained my credit card number and proceeded to help themselves to the Bloomingdales inventory like an all-you-can-eat buffet. I immediately called AmEx to confirm that the exorbitant purchases were not mine – lest I chance being kicked out of the house by my enraged spouse.

The customer service rep apologized and promised a new card within two days. Hopefully the matter is settled. Hopefully.

But I got to thinking.

With the holidays encroaching and the pandemic restrictions gradually lifting how big a criminal enterprise was retail fraud – particularly credit card and online fraud?

Plenty big.

Is Good Help Really that Hard to Find?

 

In ancient times religious contemplatives often debated arcane issues such as how many angels could potentially fit on the head of a pin or what is the sound of one hand clapping? Meanwhile philosophers of the time attempted to find solutions to a conundrum – a difficult and often unanswerable problem.

Centuries later, we often find ourselves struggling in similar situations. i.e., “I didn’t get the job because I have no experience. But how can I get experience if no one will hire me?”

With good help harder to find and retain than uncovering rare truffles, CPA firm owners hardly need a refresher course on the meaning and effects of a conundrum when it pertains to staffing.

The ongoing labor shortage of young talent in accounting has impacted smaller firm owners who do not have the recruiting resources (or pocketbooks for that matter) of a larger practice, as subtly as a 2X4 crashing through a casement window.

As an example, take the case of a frustrated firm owner in the Northeast with whom I was recently granted an audience.

Not To Worry, It Won’t Cost Anything!

 

The other day I surprised, or rather shocked, my wife by announcing that I just purchased a $100,000 Maserati Ghibli, loaded with so many extras that its dashboard could easily be confused with one aboard an F-22 Raptor fighter jet.

I calmly explained to her that its top speed approaches 180 miles per hour and can accelerate from zero to sixty in under 5 seconds. Terrific amenities if you are late for an appointment or need to be somewhere like yesterday.

“But how can we afford it?” she yelled at no minor decibel level.

Again, I explained that its already paid for, so it did not cost us anything.

“What? I don’t understand.”

I explained that I employed the same accounting principle that the President has applied to the cost of the hotly debated multi-trillion-dollar “Build Back Better” infrastructure plan. He assured a skeptical nation that it will be paid for by taxing the ultra-rich, so it will not cost anything. It’s paid for.

“I still don’t get it.”

Truthfully, neither do I.

As you may have guessed, I did not purchase a Maserati as our two Volkswagens service us just fine. Had I done so, I would have had to requisition a guest blogger for this space as I would have been busy recuperating at a local hospital, my limbs shattered by a well-aimed griddle pan.

But perhaps naively, I did think and hope we were finally rid of Enron-like accounting.

“We Buy Houses.” Sorry, Not Mine!

 

A few blogs ago I chronicled the meteoric demand for homes in our area with prospective buyers elbowing each other to bid on houses with offers sometimes exceeding $50k to $100K over the asking price including hordes of cash up front.

As an example, the home directly across the street was on the market exactly three days before it sold. During that brief span I witnessed some 50-60 hopeful homeowners getting the grand tour from various real estate agents. Although only 1,700 or so square feet, the home sold for over $700K. Yes, you read that correctly.

A week does not pass by when I don’t discover at least 3 business cards in my mailbox from realtors urging me to contact them when I’m ready to sell. Several of the more aggressive ones even took it a step further by calling me directly. As if I don’t already receive more than enough spam calls from expiring auto warranties and replacement window offerings.

But with my oldest daughter’s wedding less than a week away, the Mrs. made it clear we’re not going anywhere for the near future. End of story.

We Can Eat Out but Not Go to The Office?

 

At Chez Carlino, Friday dinner is takeout.

Since our humble hamlet is host to an impressive roster of 18 restaurants we have a wide selection of international cuisines – from Indian and Tex Mex to Greek and Korean. But on this past Friday the Mrs. and I decided to opt for dine-in.

On this night, our town’s version of “restaurant row” was frenetic. Nearly every establishment was sardined with hungry customers and waiting lines in some venues snaked into the parking lots. As a resident I was happy for the owners who, through no fault of their own have suffered greatly over the past 20 months or so.

But I sort of marveled at the hypocrisy of those dining at a restaurant often seated just feet away from other guests but remain hesitant to venture back to their respective offices. Most eateries have relaxed the former rules of COVID protocol – i.e., no masks, scant spacing between tables etc. By contrast many offices and companies have enacted far more stringent rules such as siting desks at least six feet apart, shutting off the water coolers and prohibiting the traditional morning gatherings by the coffee machine.

And yet many of those same restaurant regulars steadfastly refuse a return to the office despite those myriad precautions. Perhaps many of them have gotten used to donning jeans and T-shirts instead of button-down shirts and sport jackets and did not miss riding in crowded subways and commuter trains. But whatever the reason, I refuse to believe it’s all because of perceived health risks.

CPA and Esq. Designations Mean Little When It Comes to “Serving the Public.”

 

Last week at my health club one of the members and yours truly got into a brief but very lively conversation about the merits of going out on your own after spending years under the corporate umbrella.

My debate companion was an attorney and by coincidence a CPA as well, a partner at one of New York’s premier white shoe law firms. Money was not a concern as his annual compensation plus bonus was laughably close to seven figures, so he was able to siphon as much starter capital as needed. He revealed he was tired of the proverbial rat race and as he was rapidly approaching middle age, he wanted to veer in a different direction.

His dream was to open a restaurant with a menu dedicated to traditional recipes from his parents’ hometown in Europe. He had designed a floor plan with the help of an architect and due to the pandemic, there was a glut of potential spaces to rent.

Now as someone who toiled in foodservice roughly seven years as well as covering it for another 12 for a national trade magazine, I emphasized caveat emptor. I warned him that if he thought he currently put in long hours at the law firm reviewing tax law and writing briefs, wait until he opened a restaurant. As anyone who has ever donned an apron or toque, you are basically working when most people are not – nights, weekends and not to mention most holidays. Eighty-hour weeks are the norm rather than the exception.

A People Manager vs. Managing People

 

Years ago, one of my first editorial overseers gave me two bits of sage advice that I have never forgotten to this day. One, he said, always do your homework on a story assignment to ensure you know what you’re writing about. Two, if you ever rise to a managerial position remember it’s not always about direct authority – it’s also about being part psychologist, part parent and part colleague.

Nearly four decades later I have not seen nor experienced anything that would refute either.

I calculated during my ongoing hitch in the American workforce, I have reported to roughly 40 different managers including 18 of them at the same company – let me repeat that for emphasis – eighteen!

So much for consistency. Is it any wonder why the corporate cartoon parody “Dilbert” is still going strong after 32 years and syndicated in some 2,000 newspapers?

And throughout it all I can say that most of them left me with something that incrementally burnished my management skills. Like I said “most.” There were at last count some seven past supervisors that I learned exactly nothing from. Needless to say, none of them remained my direct report for very long. In fact, when I handed in my resignation letter, my last manager who lent new meaning to the term “useless corporate bloat” his idea of an enticing counteroffer was “I can’t give you any more money to stay,” If there was ever a clarion to leave, this was literally a foghorn two feet away from my eardrum.

The Home Shopping Network or the Network for Home Shopping

 

Last week I wrote about the prolific number of job advertisements across a number of sectors and the disappointing jobs report for the month of August. Strangely enough I received two atypical but related pieces of mail over the past several days – one trumpeting $350 in compensation for working Election Day and the other a clarion call for Instacart Shoppers.

Now I’m old enough to recall when the polling places on Election Day were staffed with volunteers, rather than paid gig economy workers. And $350 a day is tempting, except you don’t have a say in where you are assigned. And if you live in a large county as I do, you could be sent as far as 30 miles away.

And in full disclosure I had little or no idea what an Instacart Shopper was, so I did some research.

As it turns out, they’re akin to personal shoppers for groceries instead of clothing and accessories and subsequently deliver them to the customer’s homes. The average pay is $20 an hour plus tips and the best of breed in this category can make up to $50 an hour. Most who toil as Instacart Shoppers do so as a side job and as you can imagine, during the pandemic lockdown where many were petrified to leave their homes, demand for these folks skyrocketed.

In truth we tried home delivery for groceries one time – but that was direct from the store as opposed to an independent contractor. Out of roughly 30 items, they managed to foul up nearly 14 of them so that ended that brief experiment.

But I digress. I did locate an article where one veteran Instacart Shopper detailed his top customer-related pet peeves during his deliveries.

1.       As with most delivery positions, getting the correct address is probably critical – so arriving as a deserted building or a vacant lot when you have a trunkful of perishable foods presents a serious problem.

2.       Lousy tips. Instacarters derive much of their total income from gratuities. So, when a customer skimps on a tip it’s literally money out of their pockets. Just ask any waiter about bad tipping and you will likely get an angry thesis.

3.        Adding to orders after the fact. Last minute additions are okay, just as long as it doesn’t turn into an episode of “supermarket sweep” at the end. One driver recounted how a customer added 11 items just as he was approaching the register for check out.

4.       Requests for alcohol and cigarettes. Many states have prohibited Instacarters from purchasing alcohol and cigarettes for customers. So many drivers take a “just say no,” stance.

So, after thinking it over I think I’m just going to perform my citizen’s duty and cast my ballot on Election Day, rather than man a desk as well as a pledge to continue buying my own groceries.

62 is the new 65!

 

More than once in this space, I have chronicled the quantum surge in advertisements for job openings that I have seen both in my neighborhood and beyond. Last week, the monthly jobs report stated that job openings rose to 10.9 million– a fifth consecutive record high. Conversely, job creation totaled just 235,000 payrolls in August missing the median estimate of 733,000 added jobs.

As it turns out, it’s not just the Millennials, Gen X/Y/Z who are bypassing employment opportunities, but older workers as well. Specifically, those who have reached the near retirement age of 62. Or rather the new retirement age.

Recently the Federal Reserve Bank of New York conducted a survey of some 1,300 households and discovered that the chances of adults expected to work beyond the age of 62 hovered at roughly 50 percent – the smallest share since the Fed began the survey some seven years ago. The percent of adults who expect to work beyond 67 dipped to a record low 32.4 percent.

According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, more than 1 million “older” workers have exited the workforce since the inception of the COVID-19 pandemic. An additional 1.5 million cited the coronavirus as the primary reason they remained out to the labor force during the month of August.

Spin Cycle

 

Prior to March of 2020 when both my gym and favorite restaurants locked down, Peloton was a brand that I had only fleeting contact with and knowledge of.

Yes, I knew they made absurdly expensive stationary bikes and featured impossibly fit instructors on their interactive site, but other than that very little.

Until my better half decided that since the gym was in lockdown, she was going to purchase one. Reluctantly I agreed. So, four figures later, the bike arrived not with one installer but rather two. Each was outfitted more like an electrician ready to rewire my entire house than your standard delivery person who hands you an invoice and tells you to sign.

They needed the WiFi code as to connect with their exercise link. I later learned that they even have their own streaming cable station, which of course she quickly became a subscriber as well.

It seems we were hardly the only family with that idea.

I heard that sales of their products (which I again learned later included a treadmill series with a decidedly non-economy price tag of $5,000) went through the roof during the pandemic and yet another missed stock opportunity for yours truly.

However not all has been rosy at the New York-based company.

Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?

Had someone told me at the time of my high school graduation that one day I would have a retirement savings in excess of $1 million and a house worth nearly that, I most likely would have envisioned myself becoming a titan of industry or at the very least, a fortunate beneficiary of some unknown ultra-rich uncle.

For those keeping score at home, sadly neither of those two scenarios came to pass.

However, on a brighter note, I have put away more than I ever could have envisioned back then, although as most of you know $1 million ain’t what it used to be. So, retirement in a warmer climate and endless games of pickleball will have to wait a while longer.

Along those lines, I recently read where the number of 401(k) accounts carrying balances of at least $1 million at Fidelity Investments ballooned 84 percent year over year to some 412,000 while IRAs with a comparable seven-figure balance spiked 64 percent to 341,000.

Overall, the average balance of 401(k)s grew 24 percent from the year-ago period to $129,000, while IRAs showcased a 21 percent gain to $139,000.

There you go again! And again!

 

The summer between my senior year in high school and freshman year in college my father impressed upon me a single mandate for that two-month stretch: Find a job!

Back then, it was far easier said than done.

It seemed no one was hiring – even the local quick-service food outlets were fully staffed. I interviewed for several positions including supermarket checkout, stock boy, store maintenance, but no luck.

But that was then, and this is now.

Today it’s difficult NOT to see an establishment with a “help wanted” sign. I wondered perhaps I was born 40 years too early. I mean where was this labor shortage when I desperately needed to stockpile some savings for my collegiate spending (read: drinking funds).

But I digress.

And anyone who owns and operates a CPA firm knows full well that the profession mirrors the overall job market in terms of seeking help. Each week, I hear horror stories from clients seeking to staff up, only often, no one is miraculously showing up in their lobby, CPA designation in hand to ease their labor shortage and succession problem.

And yet hope springs eternal. Often to the point of fantasy.

Customer Service or Servicing the Customer?

 

With my oldest daughter’s wedding rapidly encroaching, this weekend my better half and I went shopping for a new suit. The event itself will be black tie optional, but I later learned that only the groomsman were mandated to wear a tux. Dark suits for the other male guests were strongly encouraged.

So, we went to a custom tailor nearby and were waited on hand and foot, shoulder, leg, and waist - literally. The sales rep took the requisite measurements, gave us the choice of everything from fabric patches for the suit, buttons, lining and even an optional monogram on the inside pocket. For those keeping score at home I took it.

Everything was fed into his iPad and seconds later the finished product was imaged for our inspection. Of course, the actual suit would take several weeks to complete, but we both were non-plussed by the customer service.

Now we’ve all heard testimonials of companies that consistently get high marks when it comes to customer service, which in my humble opinion is rapidly becoming a lost art. Like Nordstrom of Seattle, which legend has it, allowed someone to return a car tire even though the company does not retail automotive parts. Or a restaurant company whose name escapes me at the moment, sent one of the servers to a nearby McDonald’s when a child guest complained that there was nothing on the menu they liked.