What Do You Mean it’s not Deductible?

In between shoveling more than a foot of global warming and taking a slip on a sheet of ice that left my kneecap looking like the remnants of an overdue mob loan, this past weekend’s event also included the annual meeting with my accountant.

Rocco, who has prepared my taxes since 1992, outlined a series of deductions he feels I’m entitled to this year and while I can’t really classify his strategy as overly aggressive, if he sees a small opening he will usually trust his instincts coupled with an almost freakish familiarity with the Tax Code.

Which brings us to the topic de jour. 

Traditionally at this this time of the year, news outlets in all forms of delivery – online, print, television and the nearly forgotten stepchild – radio, will feature various reports and features about the most unusual and often incredible attempts at tax deductions.

While no doubt, many filers may fudge a bit on the actual amounts they give to charity or somehow forgot to file a 1099 here or there, that rather pales into comparison with some over-the-top claims I read about this year.

Below are some deductions that your CPA would probably advise against.

• A blissfully married couple that attempted to deduct the cost of their wedding rings.
• The cost of a dog which one filer classified as a “burglar alarm.”
• The cost of an all-terrain vehicle which the owner attempted to claim as a “stress reliever.”
• Labeling an infant an “employee” of the family business.  (hint:  children who can’t walk or talk can’t be considered “employees").
• School lunches for their children as a business expense. (Not many deals are closed in the middle school cafeteria).
• A $10K deduction for the cost of hiring an arsonist to burn down a failing business
• Dancing lessons as a medical expense
• An expensive fur coat that was worn to promote a cleaning business
• Pole dancing classes for one filer’s wife
• And perhaps my favorite, one filer was so distrustful of modern technology that he insisted on communicating only via carrier pigeon and tried to claim that the birds should count as a deduction.

Well, Rocco won’t have to worry about any of the above, but considering the amount of snow we’ve had this winter and the fact I work in a home office, are shovels and rock salt deductible?

Just askin’.