You Get Paid To Do What?

There used to be this shopworn cliché that circulated throughout the business world about consultants and it goes something like this: A consultant is someone who glances at your watch and then charges you to tell the time.

I may have ad-libbed a bit but you get my drift. Detractors insist we charge for things you can do yourself.

Actually that line is about as old as “do you come here often?” (Which, incredibly, was once asked of me at a smoky lounge in Las Vegas when in full disclosure, it was much closer to sunrise than sunset).

But that’s fodder for a future column.

By providence, or just bad luck I got into a lively debate with a CPA attendee at a recent accounting conference who challenged the use of consultants, especially those well ensconced in the M&A arena, well, like us.

He claimed he was perfectly capable of picking up the phone and calling a potential suitor firm to have lunch and talk about the future. Since he had passed one of the most difficult professional tests currently administered, I had no doubt he was capable of dialing a seven-digit number plus area code. He probably was equally adept at mailing a letter.

But that was not my point.

I sat him down (actually I bribed him with the promise of an adult beverage later on) and explained to him that our value was not as a dating service.  If it was, we’d have our own reality show and make loads more money - maybe something like “The Millionaire CPA Matchmaker.”

No, our value to our clients is everything that follows two firms getting mushy over each other and the inevitable questions that follow: How do we keep the process moving? What do we need to see with regard to due diligence? Is the contract fair to all parties? How long should the client transition clause be?

As I went over this, he gradually assumed the look of a nervous contestant stumped by the Final Jeopardy question. My challenger had obviously not thought much past the introductory phone call and obligatory lunch. He  was hit by the reality of lots of moving parts.

As we parted, he seemed a bit more open to what we do, but I remain skeptical that I’ll hear from him in the near future. And perhaps in the greatest of ironies, he checked his watch as he left and realized that the battery was dead.

You can’t make this stuff up.