The Winter of My Discontent

As strange as it may seem that despite living in the Northeast for 90 percent of my life, I’m not a fan of winter. And especially snow. In my younger days, my parents dragged me kicking and screaming to various ski destinations, where my hands and feet promptly froze and I would snowplow turn back to the warmth of the lodge as quickly as I could.

My sessions skating on frozen ponds and lakes would yield similar blue finger and toe results, which is why I’m a hockey spectator in lieu of a participant. Cold weather and I are just not compatible. I attribute that to my Mediterranean heritage – our tribe generally prefers sunshine and palm tree lined beaches in lieu of glacier like icicles and snow piles approaching the height of Pike’s Peak. I’ll leave that to my Scandinavian friends.

My personal climate experience ranges from 119 degrees in Arizona to 24 below zero in Minneapolis. Given that choice today, I will opt for Arizona every time. 

But this year has taken my dislike of winter and its accompanying weather to absurd dimensions. From January through February, New York – depending on where you live – has received anywhere from 90-plus inches of snow upstate to a still mind-boggling 40-plus in and around New York City.

I have cracked two supposedly unbreakable and ergonomically correct snow shovels in what now seems like a daily clearing  ritual and massive doses of ice and sleet have seen to it that I need to replace my entire slate walkway come spring. My gutters are another matter.

My chiropractor is on direct dial.

I expect that I will see my lawn again sometime in mid-April.

The winter has taken such a toll on residents that I understand the retail chain Bed Bath & Beyond is selling a “happy lamp” guaranteed to lift your spirits with light therapy amidst the unending string of bad weather.

Just $99.99. And truth be told, I’m very tempted.

Several practitioners who are knee deep in snow as well as 1040s told me that they have fallen far behind their pace of last season and have pretty much forgotten about taking Sundays off. A client of ours in the Boston area (whose winter has made New York appear like Bermuda in comparison) has attempted to meet with a potential mergee on three different occasions only to run headlong into New England-style  blizzards which have dropped anywhere from 20-36 inches of snow on Beantown each time.

But there’s hope in the horizon – the forecasters say that the latest round of snow may be the last one of the season.

Did I forget to mention that it’s currently snowing with an expected accumulation of 6-8 inches?

I think it’s time to brush off the car and head to Bed Bath & Beyond.