Customer Service Overload

When it comes to hoarding – whether clothing or functional accessories – I’m a split personality.

For example, when I find a comfortable nightshirt – it will often last through several presidential administrations. Other times, I wear something once and then immediately donate it to a local charity.

As best as I can remember I have had the same soft briefcase for nearly 20 years. It has carried me through three different jobs, hundreds of airline flights and conventions, and I have often even taken it on vacations.

In other words, it’s a keeper. Or rather it was.

Alas, the other day I discovered a tear at the bottom ridge which sort of would defeat the purpose of carrying items in a briefcase.

So, I decided to visit one of our area’s large electronics and office supply retailer and pick out a new one.

I had a fairly good idea of what I was looking for so I figured my visit there would be relatively short since I had other weekend errands to run. Just pick one out, pay for it and then exit.

That is until I ran into an eager-to-please junior sales clerk.

I explained what I was looking for and in return I received an understanding nod and an escort to what amounted to at least five racks of laptop/briefcases.

The ensuing conversation went something like this.

Clerk: You want a backpack or standard carrying case?

Me: Um, standard.

Clerk: How large? We have 15, 17 and 19-inch bags.

Me: 17 inches sounds about right.

Clerk: Front or side storage section?

Me: I guess front.

Clerk: Neoprene or canvas?

Me: Neoprene if it’s water resistant.

Clerk: Solid or wrapped bale handles?

Me: Um, solid.

He told me that they had about 10 such items in stock that fit my “must have” list and he proceeded to demonstrate the features on each one of them. He encouraged me to carry them around and gauge their individual comfort level.

In truth, I have been paid less attention by car salesmen than this guy. In the end I picked one out, thanked him and attempted to make my way over to the register. He said if there was anything else, just ask for him and he handed me his business card.

I shudder to think what would happen if this guy began selling real estate.

Potential homeowners would be questioned at least three days.