Inspector Gadget

When I was roughly 12, I offered (technically was ordered) to help my father with a home improvement project. When he spotted me trying to use a screwdriver in what was obviously a job for a pair of slip knot pliers he in his own patient way (a swift smack to the back of my head) explained why pliers were needed and not a Phillips head screwdriver.

In full disclosure my working knowledge of common household tools has not expanded much since then. I was once told that not only would I have trouble changing a flat tire, I would be hard pressed to tell which one it was.

Which brings me to today’s missive, which again in full disclosure has nothing, repeat nothing to do with the accounting profession. Instead, I wanted to share the continuous streams of email product offers I have received since the COVID-19 quarantine.

There are far too many to list in this space, but to keep it lighthearted in a time when comic relief is at a premium, to wit here are my favorites.

The X Hose – a flexible and expandable polyester contraption that resembles a ruffled black mamba. And it can be mine along with 20 or so totally unneeded attachments for $19.95.

Triburst – an odd geometrical bit of electric design that can fit into any standard light socket with the power of 144 LED bulbs. If I want to see downtown Denver or Saturn from my living room, I might consider it. This one was a bargain at $29.95.

Shiwala Mop – To disinfect your home a 360-degree swivel head boasting the convenience of a portable sprayer with the “dirt-busting” power of a portable mop. Washing machine and dryer safe. $29.95.

Scrubastic – An electric power cleaner whose disinfecting penetration will turn every room into your house into a sterile operating room. Cordless and rechargeable. $39.95.

Gotham Smokeless Grill – Yes, grill indoors anywhere (I’ll assume that’s to cater to the quarantine crowd) and with a tag line of “drop the smoke, keep the grill.” Is that like “leave the gun, take the cannoli?” The one has four easy payments of $19.95.

Alien Tape – Locks anything into place without screws or anchors. A nano-grip technology adheres to any surface. I guess you’ll need to decorate that underground bunker with a few pictures. Holds up to 18 pounds. $19.95.

No-Stitch – A home sewing repair device that mends fabric in seconds without needles and thread using heat and a pre-mixed powder. $19.95. Considering my track record with any type of repair, I’ll take it to my tailor.

Eggpod - a microwaveable egg cooker that hard boils eggs in just 8 minutes – comes with dozens of delicious egg recipes making egg salad and deviled eggs easier. $19.95. Hmm. This one I might actually consider.

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