HGTV – COVID Style

When it comes to home improvement chores, I suddenly have no less than six thumbs.

Whether painting, measuring, hammering, drilling, or spackling, the finished project often resembles the aftermath of a Kindergarten arts and crafts hour.

I’m sure those of you sequestered with your better half during this pandemic have seen the traditional “honey-do” list increase exponentially. You know those fix-it activities that begged procrastination.

So as you may imagine, I shook like a 16-year old asking the head cheerleader to the prom when my bride announced with little or no room for interpretation or argument, “this weekend we are going to hang curtains.”

Not on one window mind you, but THREE. She had tired of the off-red hue of the existing drapes and wanted to bring more light into the designated rooms via lighter colored curtains.

I could only envision the result; curtain rods dangling at 20-degree angles and ill-measured drill holes littered throughout the sheetrock.

Not something a camera crew would want to film for an episode of HGTV.

Undaunted, I tried to wriggle out of my spousal responsibility, but the conversation went something like this.

Me: “Why can’t we use the existing curtain rods?”
Wife: “Because the ones I bought at Ikea are 4.5 inches longer.”
Me: “Then why not just shorten the curtains?” 

 Wife: “Because we are raising the curtain rods, end of story.”

And that was that.

So, at 10am on a sweltering Saturday morning we began the process. I could stretch the truth a bit and say it went without a hitch. But alas, no. First the wall anchors turned out to be too small. Then the electric screwdriver suddenly needed recharging. Finally, the chuck to change the drill bit did a disappearing act and I had to run to the hardware store with buy another one.

Two hours later, the first room was done. Apart from one slightly crooked rod holder, it didn’t look too bad.

The other two rooms would go much faster she assured me.

They did go faster I will admit. Instead of two hours each took an average of one hour and 45 minutes. I must say it looked far better than I predicted when we finished. To celebrate I cracked open a nice bottle of Zinfandel and looked forward to relaxing next weekend.

No such luck.

“Don’t forget next Saturday we have to power wash the deck and patio.”

Look on the bright side, how much trouble can you get in spraying water?