How Do I Get a Job Like That?

A number of weeks ago, I filled this space with commentary on how the General Services Administration had lavishly overspent on a conference in Las Vegas. For those of us familiar with the often unsupervised and less-than-competent fiscal oversight traditions of the federal government, this probably came as a surprise to exactly no one.

We’ve all often heard of government’s procurement of $600 toilets and $75 screwdrivers (by the way, at Home Depot or Lowe’s, those items can be had for $99 and $6, respectively) let alone spending nearly $1 million for a conference in Las Vegas as the GSA did in October 2010.  

As many of you perform audits during the normal course of a work day, I’ll spare you the trouble of getting work papers ready and partially itemize where some of that largesse went. How about $7,000 worth of sushi rolls, $20,000 worth of gift iPods and airfare of $147,000?

But wait — it gets better! It turns out that the GSA has paid more than $1 million in BONUSES to some 84 people being investigated for wrongdoing. According to a Senate analysis, the largesse ranged from several hundred dollars to one employee being plied with $76,000 over a five-year period.

One Jeffrey Neely, a former GSA Commissioner and architect of the Sin City bacchanalia, was handed a $9,000 bonus. And this came AFTER the inspector general released the report revealing the overspending spree of the Nevada convention.

And the number of people who received a thicker pay envelope may rise even higher as the figures are still pouring in.

By coincidence, I’m headed out this weekend along with some 1,300 other folks to attend the annual Practitioners Symposium and TECH + Conference out in Las Vegas, which this year will annex the members of the Association of Accounting Marketing as well.

I looked over the agenda and, while comprehensive, nowhere did I see attendee offerings for premium sushi rolls, entertainment by a mind reader, staging team-building exercises or late-afternoon massages.

But in the spirit of all things governmental, I think I’ll test the waters and see if it lands me a well-deserved bonus. Armed with my company credit card, I’ve already booked three dinners at five-star restaurants on the strip; plan to attend two Cirque Du Soleil shows and reserved top-shelf bottle service at one of the upscale nightclubs.

Upon my return, I plan to request from my superiors a handsome bonus for my efforts.

Shortly thereafter, you will probably find me at the local shoe store asking customers if they would like to see that in a size 9.