Please Don’t Say That!

I’m not exactly going out on a limb here when I say that managing people is often a thankless job that while many improve at it over time, precious few really master.

I promise not to regale you with a list of my superior managerial accomplishments over two decades, because, well that would be stretching the truth like an oversized rubber band.

Like most imbued with that responsibility, I had my successes and failures, but in the end felt I gave as good as I got.

The dizzying mix of personalities and in some cases, deep personal issues, meant each direct report had to be dealt with differently – sometimes with stern discipline, other times with compassion.

But I had one steadfast rule that applied to everyone and it focused in common workplace phrases that I never, ever wanted to hear. If I did, I was suddenly transformed into the gunnery sergeant from Full Metal Jacket.

No. 1 on the hit parade was when I introduced a new way of doing something; inevitably someone would come back with “That’s not the way we have always done it.”

With gritted teeth, I would simply tell such staff Luddites they were free to seek employment with a company that does things more to their liking.

No. 2 usually followed the incompletion of an assigned task and it went something like this: “I didn’t have time to do it.”

My reply was to ask them if the project was too daunting or they expected it to take longer than anticipated, why did they not come to me sooner? I would then suggest the weekends might be a nice quiet time to finish up.

And I’m sure we’ve all heard this one from a decidedly non-team player: “That won’t work.”

When I hear this, I used to make them prepare a written argument citing precedent and current case studies why it won’t work – which was often enough of a discouragement to get them to see the light.

And finally, lest we not forget the perpetually blameless employee who, despite all evidence to the contrary, would usually offer this axiom of non-contrition, “It wasn’t my fault.”

Well then, unless you come back with a lengthy apology and somehow convince me it won’t happen again, we can later meet with the HR director and you can plead your innocence to them.

I’m sure each of you can immediately draw up your own set of favorites, without too much “out of the box” thinking.

Damn, I did it myself.