Dream on!

Rumor has it the nine scariest words in the English language are: “I’m from the government and I’m here to help.”

That phrase no doubt unleashes a tsunami of potential bureaucratic nightmares. If you’ve ever tried to contact the Social Security Office, you sort of get the idea.

But closer to home, I’ll offer up something similar within the accounting profession.

At our humble company, an equally scary entrée can go something like this: “I’m a CPA who just left his firm and I want to buy a practice.”

It takes more willpower than one would think to avoid politely hanging up the phone, but other than the 10-12 solicitation calls that I immediately disconnect on a daily basis in a not-so-polite manner, I usually hear someone out.

Case in point: I received a call from a CPA in the Northeast who had spent the last 10 years working at several small and midsized firms before being overtaken with the spirit of entrepreneurship. Shingle in hand, he resigned his last post and decided he was going to build his own empire through M&A.

Ideally he said he was looking for a firm generating annual revenues of $400-$500K.

Yes, ideally I would want to attend a midnight pool party with Kate Upton and Jennifer Lopez but occasionally even I have to wake up and face north.

When I asked his current revenues, he calmly replied that they were between $10K and $15K but he promised they would grow quickly.

So let me get this straight, you want me to pair you with a seller firm approximately 25-30 times your size and have them take you seriously regarding succession payouts?

I don’t remember verbatim what I told him but I was pretty sure the word “challenging” was used more than once.

I said his best chance was to find someone who wanted an immediate sale of his/her practice, something we don’t run across very often. If he was able to write a check for the entire amount, he might be in business if you’ll pardon the bad pun.

He thanked me and then set about his quest to find the perfect firm. I don’t envy his chances, but you never know. Hey, I could get a call someday from Kate Upton.

She may get tired of that supermodel thing and want to buy an accounting firm.